Ali's Ramblings

Apartment

Sun, 09 May 2004 16:27:48 GMT

School is finally over, finals are "finally" over, and I'm just awaiting word of a Zoo Atlanta job and a report card in the mail. I moved into my new apartment yesterday, which was really cool... the work wasn't so much, but the being in my own apartment for the first real time was. Dallas is crashing at my place for a few nights, so we've been hanging out.

Brandon's off in Ohio right now, and I already miss him a lot. He'll be gone for the rest of the week (he left yesterday), and I don't know what to do with myself while he's gone. I have no job, no classes, no internet (except at Grandma's) until Wednesday, no cable, and no telephone line. I guess I'll be doing a lot of reading.

Other than that, though, life is pretty good. I'm looking forward to the cruise in a few weeks, which should be fun (even if it is a family thing), and I can't wait to see Brandon in a week and just hang around with him before his classes start.

I hope everyone is having a good summer or, if you're not out of school yet or you have to work through the summer, I hope you're preparing for a nice break. And good luck to those with finals. Hopefully I'll update this a little more often.

But certainly not on a daily basis.

Screw that.

Love you all, whoever you may be,
xoxoxo
Ali

Long Time No Update

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 16:53:26 GMT

I don't really have much to say. I had my first panic attack the other day, so that was interesting. I'm excited that I get to live in my own apartment this summer and next year- finally! I'm worried that I spoke too soon about the Zoo Atlanta job, because I still haven't heard back from them. Maybe I'm just paranoid. But anyway, I'm going on a CRUISE very soon and I'm looking forward to that, too...

I'm thinking about going to New York City at the end of the summer, when I have some money. Wish me luck with that. At this point, I don't know if I'll drive or fly- I guess it depends on the airline prices and stuff. Things are going well with Brandon and I love him very much. Classes end today and I just have a psych final and a CORE paper after today to deal with. YAY!

And that's the update on my life. Thanks for tuning in.

xoxoxo
Ali

I'm Kinky, Apparently

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 22:11:45 GMT

kinky isn't a feather...its using the whole damn
chicken! and you kno it. you are so kinky that
even you are afraid of yourself sometimes.

What type of SEX do You enjoy?
brought to you by Quizilla

Gay Bear

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 02:43:35 GMT

Hmmm.

Gay Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Stolen.

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 22:55:19 GMT

Name: Alexis
Age: 16
Grade: Freshman in college.
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Female
FAVORITE MUSIC ARTISTS
1: Hanson
2: Skid Row
3: Maroon 5
4: Clay Aiken
5: Christina Aguilera
6: Michelle Branch
7: Elton John
8: Billy Joel
9: Barry Manilow
10: Aerosmith
11: Raul Esparza
12: Def Leppard
13: Stephen Trask
14: Richard O’Brien
15: Christina Aguilera
MUSIC QUESTIONS
Name a band that has written the lyrics to your life: Hanson
Give an example: “Don’t wander through this glassy surface/Expecting to find more than me/For what am I without a purpose/But a lone mirage to see.”
Favorite frontman/frontwoman/singer: Sebastian Bach
Favorite music era: 80’s
Your guilty pleasure when it comes to music: Barry Manilow; Showtunes
SAY YES OR NO TO BANDS :
Nirvana: sometimes
Alice in Chains: sometimes
Metallica: no
The Beatles: yes
Bjork: maybe
Black Sabbath: yes
The Doors: yes
Eminem: haven’t made up my mind
Tool: no
Green Day: no
Madonna: yes
Sex Pistols: no
The Clash: not familiar enough
Iron Maiden: yes
Jane’s Addiction: not familiar enough
Weezer: yes

Jimi Hendrix: yes
REM: yes
Nine Inch Nails: yes
Pantera: no
Pink Floyd: sometimes
Pearl Jam: yes
Run DMC: yes
Soundgarden: not familiar enough. Like what I’ve heard.
2Pac: not familiar enough
Radiohead: yes
The Ramones: yes
Rancid: not familiar enough
Rage Against the Machine: don’t know music, like what they stood for
Red Hot Chili Peppers: sometimes
Smashing Pumpkins: yes
System of a Down: no
The White Stripes: yes
Tatu: yes
Slayer: yes
Led Zeppelin: yes
Foo Fighters: yes
The Cure: not familiar enough
Blondie: no
Coldplay: sometimes
Not on the list: Hanson
Name a band that you don't like that was not on the list: Fat Joe
TOP 10 MOVIES
1: Rocky Horror
2: Hair
3: Green Mile
4: Forrest Gump
5: Annie
6: Hedwig and the Angry Inch
7. The Breakfast Club
8: Detroit Rock City
9: Not Another Teen Movie
10: A Time to Kill
FAVORITES
Actor: Jonathan Sharp
Actress: Bernadette Peters
Hang out spot(s): Bowling alley
Flavors: vanilla, chocolate
Article of clothing: RHS shirt
Store: broadwaynewyork.com
Channel: Food Network
Website: Deviantart.comhttp://www.livejournal.com
Posession: Car, I guess
Sport: Figure skating
Hobby: singing, writing
Color: yellow or blue
GIVE YOUR OPINION
Random Opinion: Love exists. I finally believe it now.
Word of adivce: Don’t let other people live your life for you. Walk your own path.
Abortion: Choice.
War: Never.
Death Penalty: Against it.
Racism: Makes me sad no matter who it’s from or who it’s toward.

"I think, therefore I am."

Wed, 14 Jan 2004 22:02:35 GMT

What does this mean?

Brandon doesn't respect any of my theories. He tells me I'm creative and smart but doesn't seem to have any reason for it, as all my ideas appear stupid and undeveloped because he can't open his mind to new views. I know he feels art is a physical expression of emotion meant to please the artist before the audience and to look aesthetically good. But is art not also a forum for free expression, for societal or ethical statements? Isn't EVERYTHING a forum for expression of these? Just because there are a lot of assholes out there promoting false art ("art" that is created without statement behind it but claiming to have one) doesn't mean that all art is like that. And it makes me feel like shit, because while I have no artistic talent (EXCUSE me for not having intrinsic abilities for these), I have thoughts in my head that I try to represent the best way I know how: through photography, poetry, and writing. That doesn't make me a fake. I achieve exactly what I want to achieve most of the time: something that, while without matching colors or an L shape formation or perfect lighting and shadow, means something to me, represents what I'm trying to say, enough to where people get the point and appreciate the effort. Maybe, if I'm lucky, people will think about my comment and learn from it. I'm sorry I'm not a Dadaist. But really, I don't care.

And then we have philosophy, which I actually DO know about. In Gifted, we spent the first semester on art history (yeah, that's right) and then the second semester on philosophy (an hour and a half discussing philosophy five days a week for eighteen weeks). It bled into the next year and we learned about it the semester after that. I'm a lot more well-informed than he trusts me to be, and because I skew a few names it makes me appear unknowledgeable. As an idealist, I don't believe in any physical, and I don't believe in the mind (form) as a physical. I don't believe in ultimate truths, I believe in perceptions of truths. Dreams are obviously perceptions, illusions that do not physically exist; most agree with that. However, in dreams, you claim yourself to exist physically. You perceive yourself to be. But you don't. You are not a being in the dreams, physically or mentally, because that you is being controlled by external forces. How is this not the same with life? Isn't it possible that we are living in the illusion of something else, every thought controlled and every movement pre-determined? I'm not saying that that's what I believe, I just think that if we opened our minds enough to allow that kind of thought things would be a lot better. Maybe we don't exist; we merely are perception. That doesn't stop us from living our lives and enjoying them and being religious and believing things. I believe in a God. That doesn't mean He exists, it just means I believe it, and I live my life under the belief that there is a God. So what? I believe physical is illusion. People have asked me a lot how I could appreciate life and believe anything if I didn't believe I existed. It's not that hard: you're still the same person you were before. You just have a different concept of reality that's not as common. If I was an atheist I'd probably be the same as I am now, only with a different viewpoint. It wouldn't change my life drastically to suddenly think that there's no God. As is the case with this. I don't consider my life meaningless because of my theories on philosophy. It's just something I speculate on, not preaching that they're all true, just trying to explain how I came to these conclusions and how they're interesting to me. I don't write like this:

"My perception of the perceived writing I presumably 'do' is not like the perception of 'this,' whatever 'this' may be."

But, in a way, it's how I think. There isn't necessarily an 'I.' But it doesn't render my perception of 'me' meaningless. I wish people could understand that. It's like, "Okay, so maybe we don't exist. But it doesn't stop the way things are right now. I'm still here, or so to speak, living my life. Everything didn't disappear from my perception now that I've hit this revelation of sorts." Yay for Decartes, thinking that to be perceived would mean that something had to physically perceive it. Maybe it's God perceiving. Maybe everything is a fabrication of nothing, like gravity, not really created from anywhere specific, but being around regardless. Maybe form DOES exist, and that is the sole ultimate truth, but I have trouble believing that personally- it seems a rather self-oriented philosophy in the sense of, well, maybe there's nothing BUT me. Which is possible. I just don't believe it. I mean, maybe it's all physical and there is no thought at all. I just see matter as nonexistent and "me" is a creation of the brain, which is "physical matter," which is perceived, all forms a big loop that has no solution, really. That is where I bring God into the picture. People claim that God's perception, if looked at from an idealist point of view, is the ultimate truth about everything. But because HUMAN perception factors into reality, every being has a skewed vision of that reality.

I just wish I could explain it better. I really do know what I'm talking about.

"Did you get something for your girlfriend?"

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 05:56:13 GMT

I'm really baffled. Really relieved. Really... I don't know. It's crazy.

I'm thinking Brandon's parents hate me because they feel like I kept him from them on Thanksgiving. His dad would always look stern around me and I felt like he was ignoring me after a while, because whenever I'd wave he wouldn't respond. A few days ago, I get this email from Brandon, "Apparently my parents don't even know you exist! They think I'm gay." Which made me feel SO much better (right). So as of the past few days I'm thinking that I don't even have enough of an impression on him for his parents to know of my existence, and that it's more important he lead them into thinking he's a homosexual. All until today. Tonight, I get online, and I receive word that his mother knew he had me for a girlfriend and wanted to know why he didn't bring me home for Christmas. Apparently she also bought me a present at Target. His dad "didn't want to suspect," but apparently he holds no ill will toward me, either. I'm just so incredibly relieved and confused at the same time, but I'm SO glad that, with such a serious relationship as this, his parents don't seem to have a problem with me.

God, I miss him so much it's getting unbearable. And now I feel horrible because I'm so exhausted i won't be able to talk to him long tonight. I love him and all I want is to see him and hold him and kiss him again... *sigh*

When will the break be over?

xoxoxo
Ali

"People hate Matt more than they hate Alex Johnson, and that's saying a lot." -Ben

Sat, 13 Dec 2003 04:24:35 GMT

Rank your Top 5 Rent Boys:
1. Matt Caplan
2. Cary Shields
3. Jai Rodriguiez
4. Andy Senor
5. Mark Richard Ford

Rank your Top 5 Guys in the recent (summer-present) Rent Cast:
1. Matt Caplan
2. Cary Shields
3. Andy Senor
4. Mark Richard Ford
5. Justin Johnson

Rank your Top 5 Girls in the recent (summer-present) Rent Cast:
1. Maggie
2. Karmine
3. Mayumi
4. Caren
5. Frenchie

What 5 Rent cast members do you miss the most (left before this summer)?
1. Jai
2. Manley
3. Would have loved to see Daphne
4. Also would have loved to see Adam Pascal
5. Ditto for Idina

Who are your 5 most favorite Broadway actors?
1. Jonathan Sharp
2. Raul Esparza
3. Asa Somers
4. Peter Gallagher
5. Alan Cumming

Who are your 5 most favorite Broadway actresses?
1. Daphne
2. Bernadette
3. Mandy G
4. Maggie
5. Jennifer Savelli

What are your 5 favorite Broadway/Off-Broadway shows?
1. Rocky Horror Show
2. Rent
3. Dance of the Vampires
4. Hair (though I haven't seen it live... the movie's the greatest...)
5. Chicago

What 5 musicals do you want to see but haven't yet?
1. Taboo
2. Little Shop of Horrors
3. Avenue Q
4. Cabaret (damn it closing!)
5. Fiddler (but only for Jonathan)

What are currently your top 5 favorite songs from musicals?
1. Sweet Transvestite- Rocky Horror
2. Take Me or Leave Me- Rent
3. Garlic or Total Eclipse of the Heart- DOTV
4. Cell Block Tango- Chicago
5. Dentist- Little Shop of Horrors

What's your favorite Bway theater (besides the Nederlander, if you were gonna say that)?
Circle in the Square

List the Broadway shows you have seen (tours count too!)!

Rocky Horror
Rent
Chicago
Dance of the Vampires
Noises Off
The Tale of the Allergist's Wife
The Graduate
Gypsy

(I think that's it... there may be another one or two)

Off-Broadway

None! :(
Well... I mean... I've seen shows that aren't on Broadway. But not... OFF-BROADWAY.

xoxoxo
Ali

"E-ass action! E-ass action! E-ass action!" -Brandon

Thu, 11 Dec 2003 08:51:41 GMT

So, update from last update:

Still with Brandon; we worked things out. Things are cool with Laura, I think, and Sarah and Anna. Amy is mad at me for various reasons, but Rocky, according to everyone else, went well and I enjoyed the end result. Not that I ever want to direct again.

Finals are almost over (THANK GOD!) and I made an A- in Public Speaking (other grades pending).

So that's life right now. I'm ready to cry a lot lately because I'm going to miss Brandon so much over the holidays... I don't know what I'll do. But we'll make it through, and it'll be great when we see each other again.

xoxoxo
Ali

"We didn't... say... anything..."

Fri, 21 Nov 2003 22:33:44 GMT

I just want this whole thing to be over. This whole... thing. No matter what I do, it feels like I'm drowning and I can't keep my head above the water. I'm a bad student, a bad director, and a bad girlfriend, and if I succeed at one I fail at the others. When I try to balance them, I fail at all three.

So I was doing fine in school and I try to direct this play. I'm in the middle of the play and all of a sudden I'm dating Brandon. I'm in love with Brandon... just so far beyond anything imaginable... which is even more exhausting because I think about him all the time and I should be thinking of school or of the play. I don't want to take a break from him- I want to take a break from college, from directing. I have two grueling weeks ahead of me and one of my leads doesn't know his lines. I'm a bad person for ignoring my boyfriend and that led him to other things... and I blame myself more than I blame him for it. I'm the idiot, I screw everything up, it's become doctrine or something. I want to stab J in the heart because that's how it felt when I heard what happened... and now I have to direct him and smile at him and endure his ice cold hugs and pretend to make out with him later. What the hell kind of life is this?

All day I'm back and forth to this or that, then I have a break and I deal with Rocky Horror, then off to another class and then- oh!- rehearsal. Then I come back and stay up with Brandon because it's the only time we have together, I'm exhausted the next day, Laura bitches at me, Sarah pisses me off... I can't appease anyone. My cast probably hates me because the play isn't up to par and it's my fault... Brandon probably hates me because I'm so emotional and take things too hard and don't pay him enough attention... my friends hate me because I spend no time with them and they try to convince me I'm spreading myself too thin. I am. I know I am. But for the next two weeks, there's no way around it, and I'll just have to endure it. You know? I'm doing my best in my classes, I'm killing myself over everything, I'm putting 100% of my efforts into the play and 75% effort into my classes and I like to think it's 100% for Brandon... and that adds up to far too much stress. I can't keep doing this to myself... but I have to. I have to do this. I have to do well in my classes so I can graduate and become a yuppie and all that shit... I have to do well so I won't get bitched at by my friends... I have to do the play because I'll be wasting money otherwise and letting everyone down... I have to be with Brandon because I love him more than anything, despite whatever happened, and I couldn't deal with NOT being with him. I don't know. I just have to... sleep... or something.

xoxoxo
Ali

"I wish I was my own girlfriend!" -Brandon

Sun, 19 Oct 2003 08:45:34 GMT

It's been a while since my last update- not because I'm busy but because I'm lazy. So this weekend was Parents' Weekend here at Oglethorpe, so who came to visit but- yes- my parents. And siblings, of course. They all came to Night of the Arts and the folks enjoyed it (the kids left at intermission). Afterward, my family finally left and Sarah, her brother Jesse, and Brandon came over to play games. It was an interesting experience, especially with Laura asleep in the other room.

This morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door, which I ignored. I got up and discovered that it had been Brandon and Bernard playing with Walkie-Talkies, and then I went over to Sarah's to watch a show about a cursing squirrel.

When I got back to my room, I called my mother up and she invited me over to Grandma's, where she was staying. I went over there on what little gas I had left in my car and proceeded to argue with her. Ah, memories. She really tries to make it the best for me when I see her the times that I do. In the hour and a half I was there she pried into my personal life and ignored me so she could yell at my siblings. So I got in my car and left.

Eventually, Sarah and Brian (her boyfriend- her brother had left) and Brandon and I all went to the Midnight Madness thing to watch Laura dance. Much to our dismay, most of the evening consisted of a basketball thing. We were all very bored (except, of course, during Laura's dance). Brandon and I left midway through and then met up with the rest of them later. Laura was once again indisposed and the other four of us were left to play games.

When Sarah and Brian left, Brandon and I tried to convince Laura to go somewhere with us but she refused. It turned out to be okay, though, even with all the traffic on Peachtree and Peachtree, because I had my very first "real human being" conversation with Brandon. We also ended up making a Twelve-Step Program for Laura at the restaurant we went to. He was so excited about having made the document that he was heard to be said, "I wish I was my own girlfriend!", meaning that he wished someone would do something as cool for him.

I won't go into why the other night was the worst of my life, but just suffice it to say that things are at least partially better now. If that makes anyone feel better. Because I know that I, personally, don't. About that situation, anyway.

xoxoxo
Ali

"Men are rats. Men are fleas on rats. No, they're ameobas on fleas on rats." -Grease

Tue, 07 Oct 2003 04:11:50 GMT

Tonight, on many levels, was one of the worst of my life.

Fuck being "friends."

"Staples is the man!" -Daniel

Sun, 05 Oct 2003 03:31:25 GMT

Where to start? Been a while since my last update, so I thought I'd do a new one while I wait for Katie to get back.

I'm at Katie's house right now and her sister is reading over my shoulder (she says hi to everyone). I just got back from a good five-hour-long random drive (being purposely- yes, purposely -lost) and an hour or so with Daniel.

Our date last night went... really, really well. I am so into him. I can't even explain how wonderful he is. :) I'm just glowing, here.

Other than that, I have a little cold and Laura is sick as a dog :(. I've been desperately trying to attain funds to Rocky Horror- the OSA denied my constitution to make it a club. I might ask for a corporate sponsorship (thanks for the idea, Daniel!).

Tomorrow, Katie's getting an official tour of Oglethorpe. Hurray for being a student ambassador!

That's my random entry. ADIOS!

xoxoxo
Ali

"You're a grown-up when your mother says you're a grown-up." -Mom

Mon, 29 Sep 2003 04:51:50 GMT

My dad had to come into Atlanta on Friday to work, so we went out to the Indian place we like (Grandma invited herself along). I wanted to make a little appearance at the Chi Phi party that night, so I asked him to take me home afterward.

I walked up to Greek Row around 11:45, assuming that the party had started at 8 or so (I know, I'm a moron!), and there was almost no one around. Had the party already ended? I felt really stupid walking up to the Chi Phi house with my keys in my hand and no friends around me. Some frat guys were taking drinks out of a car and they dropped a bag. I grabbed it and followed them down to the basement of the house to drop it off. Apparently the damn thing hadn't even started yet. I felt like I had made enough of an appearance (screw it! I was tired!), so I walked back to New Res and waved at the people heading to the party, feeling like a loser.

The next day, I slept in REALLY late- later than I'd like to say- and woke up to the ringing phone. It was my little brother, Ryan (awww, 7-year-olds):

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Hey, honey!"

"It's Ryan."

"I know who you are! What's going on?"

"Nothing unusual." (Yes, that was him- he actually said, "Nothing unusual.")

"Oh, really? Have you been having fun at school? Learning anything new?"

"It's boring. I haven't learned anything new."

It basically went on like that- he's not the best conversationalist- but I was flattered because I knew that the reason he'd called me was because he missed me.

I realized, for the first time since I've been at college, that I had absolutely nothing to do this weekend, so I wandered into the living room after my phone call and turned on the T.V. I had no friends around- Laura and Anna were at AWA, Sarah was with her boyfriend, God knows where Bernard was, and I wasn't too happy with Brandon- so I just chilled and watched "Gidget" for a while.

Another phone call. It was Mom. She wanted to see if I could come to Washington. HA! I'd rather watch "Gidget" than go back to that slice of Hell. I offered, instead, that she drive out here. She was willing.

Ryan, Hayley, and Mom got to my dorm around 7 and we all went out to eat. Hayley fell asleep promptly after we got in, and Mom stayed up way past her bedtime til 11. Ryan was wide awake and I asked Mom if I could take him to a movie. She freaked out and said that I wasn't even allowed to be driving past midnight, especially with a child in the car. Parents. They don't understand the night-owl schedule.

Everyone fell asleep and I went to see a movie by myself (I love that! It really is awesome). I saw "Lost in Translation" and got back around 3... nobody had noticed I left.

Today we all went to see "Duplex" together, went shopping, and we ate in the cafeteria (slightly embarrassing). Laura was home when we got back, so they got there things and headed out. I realized that I STILL had nothing to do for the rest of the night.

I sat around for several hours, surfing the same old sites and listening to Laura's Japanese chatter (from her Anime video things) and then I decided just to go to another movie. I'm creeping myself out, here. Three movies in a weekend.

I saw "Cold Creek Manor." Oops, I mean "Matchstick Men." Here's the scoop on that one:

I said to the ticket person, "One student for Cold Creek Manor." She was going to let me get the ticket, but she had to see my student ID. Naturally, it has my birthdate on it. She wouldn't let me get a ticket because it was rated R and I'm only 16! This is the first time I've EVER been denied a movie ticket. I actually said, "Oh, my God, you've got to be kidding me!" It was an out-of-body experience. So I got a ticket to Matchstick Men and, naturally, walked right into Cold Creek Manor and had a hell of a time. It was great.

So now I'm back and writing this entry. It's a weird experience, being able to walk out and drive around town in the middle of the night and have no one care. But it's great.

I continue to get over my crush a little more each day. Then I have this... thingamajig being planned with that guy I mentioned so long ago from Kiss Me Kate- Daniel... so that's always nice. Right now, however, I must put some things in the refrigerator before they go bad and then get to bed. Maybe I'll actually get a full 8 hours tonight! HAHAHA.

Doubtful.

xoxoxo
Ali

"Why did you do that to Mandy Moore?" -Dad, asking why I defaced HILARY DUFF pictures

Sat, 27 Sep 2003 03:34:38 GMT

Ah, the irony.

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

xoxoxo
Ali

"You need to get a fake ID." -The class president

Fri, 26 Sep 2003 18:05:21 GMT

I lost the class presidential elections, but the guy who won turned out to be a lot nicer than I'd heard he was. He thought it was cool that I'm still going to be involved with the Olgethorpe Student Association by offering to be Office Manager and Secretarial Assistant. I was playing pool with Sarah last night (we were late for OUTlet so we just decided to skip it... we didn't want to walk in late). We both suck at pool- it would take us a half an hour to get that last 8-ball in- and then Alex, Mr. President himself, shows up and plays in the next game. Of course, he had to have had a pool table in his house since he was eight years old. He taught us how to play Cutthroat, which was fun, but I lost both times. It was all a really interesting experience.

I was upset yesterday when I heard, so Sarah was my date all night. That made our desperate friend Ben very happy.

After pool, we went to "Two Rooms" (my second time seeing it) at the Conant Center. It's a heavy play... a little slow, but it does ultimately leave a resonance... a haunting nugget in your heart. Ack, I'm starting to talk like a critic, here... wait, that can't be bad. It's what I want to be.

After the play, Sarah and I went to Anna's and watched Queer as Folk with her. That show is AWESOME. I can't wait to see the rest of the episodes.

Today is a busy day. I went to Music and Culture at 10:30 and then lunch at 11:30. At 1:30 I supposedly had a tour to give for Student Ambassadors, but I found out that no one came for a tour. Therefore, I got to sit around and chat with Stuart, this really cool guy from my acting class, for a half hour or so while we waited for the previous tour to come back so we could greet the student. Apparently Stuart is trying to get an improv group together from acting to do a scene for Night of the Arts. Awesome!

Now, in a half hour, I'm headed off to do some work for Music and Culture with a group I was assigned to be with. Between 6 and 7, my father is coming to pick me up for dinner. I'd considered staying at Grandma's tonight, but since I'll have the dorm room to myself and there's a Chi Phi party going on, I might just head back to Oglethorpe instead. Laura has Anime Weekend Atlanta and so does Anna. Sarah, I believe, will be with her boyfriend, so I'm all alone. :( Maybe Bernard will be around.

xoxoxo
Ali

"That is DEFINITELY Mommy's toy." -Brent, referring to a vibrator

Wed, 24 Sep 2003 20:58:06 GMT

The email I might send to Jonathan if he ever checked his email.

Hey,

It's been a while since my last email, so I thought I'd catch up.

I've finally started college (it felt like I had to wait forever for the day to come!), and I'm loving it. I'm majoring in Communications and minoring in Theatre, so that's exciting. Something that may interest you is that, in my Beginning Characterization class, we do a WHOLE lot of improv. I'd never done it before, so it's really amazing to see where scenes can go.

"You have an archery set. Go."

That's the kind of direction our teacher will give us before making two people do a fifteen-minute-long improv scene. It's great, too, because we all have our own little eccentricities that we work into scenes and make them interesting and humorous. For instance, I was the first person to say "fuck" in class- it had worked with the scene I was doing. Then, all of a sudden, everyone was saying it in random places and chaos ensued.

How have YOUR impov classes been going? I understand you've had a lot on your plate lately, with CHOREOGRAPHING a new ballet!!! Congratulations! And who doesn't love "Franky"? I used to sing "New York, New York" for auditions. I know you'll make a fabulous choreographer. I'm so proud!

It seems like you're still enjoying being in LA (though I know a lot of people in New York who miss you greatly), so if you're happy, I'm happy. From the pictures and video on Yuka's site, you seem genuinely content for the first time in a while. :)

xoxoxoxo
Stay well and keep in touch,
Alexis

"Think of how much people laugh at me in my WAKING life." -Ben, regarding ppl laughing at him asleep

Wed, 24 Sep 2003 17:15:14 GMT

This was so accurate! Take it. Really.

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

xoxoxo
Ali

"We all come tumbling down, no matter how strong we all return to the ground." -Dying to be Alive

Wed, 24 Sep 2003 06:02:18 GMT

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 5% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Neato.

xoxoxo
Ali

"Shut up or I will be forced to... miss you with this pen!" -Brandon

Wed, 17 Sep 2003 05:47:09 GMT

I got plenty of sleep last night, which is always exciting. I went to Fresh Focus and we watched "Ordinary People," but most of it was incomprehensible because they flipped through about 3/4 of the movie. Oh, well. I really had very little interest in seeing Mary Tyler Moore, anyway.

After Fresh Focus, I had basically nothing to do. I wasted some time and wandered around campus for a bit, then I came back and talked with Rori online about a variety of things (our conversations are always unique). Then I went to dinner and Public Speaking (EVIL CLASS) where I was yelled at later on for writing while he was speaking. When he discovered that I was actually writing NOTES FOR PUBLIC SPEAKING ON WHAT HE WAS SAYING, he felt bad and told me to forget what he'd said.

On my way back from Public Speaking, Laura and I ran into Brandon on the Ho Chi Mihn Trail and decided to go to Little Five Points, even though basically nothing was open. We looked in Junkman's windows and were very interested in what was there. When we got back from walking (and ended up at the car parked in Gma's driveway), I decided it was only polite to go say hello to her. We talked for a while, and I think Laura is less freaked out by her Valkyrie ways now that she's met the cute little old lady that most call.. well, most don't call her anything in particular... "Beautiful," "Gorgeous," "Grandma," "You," "Genius," "Mom," "Eleanor..."

We left Gma's at around 10 or 10:30 and went to Dunkin' Donuts to sit for a while. I bought a dozen donuts because they were FIVE FREAKING DOLLARS FOR A DOZEN. They may have been old- and they may never be eaten- but it was a FUCKING GREAT DEAL. So I'm proud.

Now Laura and Brandon are sitting here studying Japanese and Greek, respectively, and conversing about Gen. Douglas McFarland and the state of being as Dempsey as you want to be. I'm bored and have nothing to do, except sleep, which is absolutely ridiculous. But YAY for no homework. I'm so glad Travis didn't show up for class... unless he died, in which case I am distraught and heartbroken.

xoxoxo
Ali

"I miss Jonathan." -Danielle

Tue, 16 Sep 2003 20:18:31 GMT

Irony at its finest. After I got off the phone with Danielle, I discovered this update on Yuka's site:

http://homepage.mac.com/yukazow/Ballet/iMovieTheater28.html

I watched it. I cried. I actually cried. I'm not a big emotional mess over most things- I didn't cry when I heard he was moving (that was more a numb shock), I didn't cry when I found out Rocky Horror was closing, and I didn't cry when I couldn't go to LA this summer. But that video did it. Look at his face.

That's a smile I haven't seen there in a really long time.

I miss him.

xoxoxo
Ali

"She appeared to be doing some sort of motion with her arms... maybe with her shirt?" -Chad

Tue, 16 Sep 2003 00:02:09 GMT

I went to the Aerosmith/KISS concert last night and I got back late. Marshall, Stuart, and I worked on our scenes at like 12:30 (only in college, right?!) and then I found Brandon studying in the middle of the floor.

I talked with him for a while and we hung out. I remembered he'd said his birthday was September 15th, so I wanted to verify it. I asked, "Is your birthday tomorrow?" He said no. He's a filthy-ass liar. His dad came in with a cake today and I ran out to buy a present because, well, I buy presents. It's what I do.

ANYWAY... I did my open scene with Marshall and Stuart for the class and Chad. Once again, I was singled out and told that I could have changed this or that to make it clearer. Argh. So I'm not a good method actor! I never said I was. And Chad already dislikes me because he thinks I was irresponsible, but that's a whole other story.

Travis the Sex God didn't show up for class today. On one hand- YAY! NO CLASS! But on a few other hands that I don't possess because I only have two- what if he's dead? What if he won the lottery? And... I didn't get to see him today. :(

Random notes for the day:

Laura is a neat freak, but that's okay.

Chad doesn't like me and that makes me sad. :( Hey... I rhymed.

Brandon is an asshead because he lied about his birthday.

Rori claims she's straight but everyone knows she's bisexual. Oh, and a girl wore a feather boa to class once simply because she thought Rori had done so.

I love Danielle... she's so funny.

Yuka is not evil... psycho lady is. What is the MATTER with her?

I LOVE RENT.

Travis- dead or alive- is still the Sex God.

I'm running for class president and my platform is "PASSIONATE ABOUT BUG EXTERMINATION IN DORM ROOMS"

I really don't like Hilary Duff. Go away, already, Lizzie.

I don't care what anyone says (except for Brent, because he agrees with me): STEPHEN TYLER ROCKS. Kiss... not so much. But they had some bitchin' pyrotechnics.

And that's my rambling for the day.

xoxoxo
Ali

"If I were a lesbian and needed sperm, I'd go to Dr. Carton." -Bernard

Fri, 12 Sep 2003 11:21:59 GMT

So what has been happening lately? Not a hell of a lot. But I'll make it as interesting as I can.

Family life: What family? I had a good conversation with my mother last night, but other than that, I've had basically no contact with the familial portion of "ALEXIS" for two weeks or so. But it's ok- homesickness hasn't kicked in so far.

Social life: No friend problems. Jeremiah added me to his MSN buddy list for some dumbass reason. This completely baffled me, as he has had me blocked for at least a year now. Laura and I are still getting along and we haven't (that I know of) discovered any annoying qualities in each other that we can't live with. Sarah, Anna, Brandon, and sometimes Amy, Ben, and Bernard frequent New Residence rooms A5 (mine and Laura's) and B1 (Brandon's and his... suitemates... whom none of us really know). Sarah brought Cranium from home last weekend, so we stayed up until three playing that and watching Broadway Bares (which thoroughly freaked out innocent Laura and Brandon). Anna and I have deduced that Travis should have been in it.

Tonight, a bunch of us went to this free-for-students comedy show that was really awesome. Apparently the last cast of this was all (individually!) recruited for both Mad TV and SNL... how amazing is that? Right there shows us how likely it is that these people will be heard from again. Anyway, they did a lot of improv and one of the things was something I shouted and Sarah specified: The Len Donaldson Coalition. If you don't know who Len Donaldson is, don't worry: you're not alone. In fact, nobody knows who he is, but the actors were great sports about it and made up a FABULOUS sketch.

Then they took Bernard, who was sitting next to me while I took pictures for the yearbook, asked him his name, major, something he disliked about his major, and something he liked about his major, and made up a GIANT extravaganza for him. He won a t-shirt.

He's a Psych major, his least favorite thing about it is "classes" and his favorite thing about it is "Dr. Carton." They asked him to describe Carton in one sentence (read the quote of the day to find out what he replied). They had an absolute field day with that description. Poor Dr. Carton. He will know about this by this morning- I'm sure of it. I love Dr. Carton- he's the best, even though he doesn't show up for class half the time. Or is it BECAUSE he doesn't show up for class half the time?

After the show, Bernard and I went backstage to hunt down the cast (ah, the benefits of being Press). I got a picture of Bernard and his "Bob the Prosthetic Toe" t-shirt sitting with the cast, and then one of the entire cast alone. We hung out with a few of them for a while and had some interesting conversations. It was very, very cool and I'm pleased to say they are just as friendly off the stage as they appear to be on the stage.

Love life: Nada- as if anyone is surprised! I am still working on how to wiggle my way into a more touchy-feely relationship with crush man (and failing miserably at every attempt). Oh, well. I'm having fun just hanging out with my friends, regardless of how romantic situations play out (or, more likely, don't). It's just... every time I see him, all I want to do is kiss him. Which can get distracting.

Academic life: I'm doing well in school. I had a great time in Beg. Characterization when we did improv. Brent was the greatest partner EVER, even though our "object" for the scene was the strangest thing in the class ("You have an archery set. GO."). Chad is also looking forward to reading my scripts- apparently that's his forte (script development), so I'm VERY excited about that and equally, if not more, nervous. The only class I have today is Music and Culture with Bohart, which is my least favorite class but it's not that bad. Then, at 1:30, I have to meet up with two guys in acting, Stuart and Marshall (my buddy from before!), to practice our open scene. Brent gave us the greatest idea EVER for it. All I'm saying is it has to do with breasts and discussion OF breasts.

Travis is the coolest, but I embarrassed myself in his class the other day. Anna and I are always the last people out of class because of her broken ankle and my helping her move around with it. In our last CORE class, however, two girls stayed after to ask Travis what HE believed about predetermination of fate (which we'd been talking about in class). His reply? "If I was a good teacher, you wouldn't have any idea what I thought about that type of thing (grin)." The girl said, "Exactly! That's why I'm asking." They continued to dispute over whether or not he should tell her his personal feelings.

Anna and I walked slowly out of the classroom while this was going on and we stood in the hall for a few minutes. I said, "I think he should tell her what he believes. It's after class and it's not a big deal... it's not like she asked something that's crossing the line, like, 'Do you have a GIRLFRIEND?'" At that moment Travis walked right out of the room. Therefore, having heard me say only the last part of that, he probably thinks I was A) talking about him having a girlfriend and being genuinely curious, which is embarrassing enough in a student-teacher setting, or B) asking ANNA if SHE had a girlfriend, making me appear to be a lesbian. Some people at school already think I'm a lesbian, anyway, because of OUTlet and my never specifying that I was straight. HOWEVER, I feel awkward being thought of as something I'm not (or, worse, make it appear that I'm actually trying to TRICK people into thinking I'm a lesbian, which would lay a horrible veil of guilt on me). Well, whatever. It's not that big a deal, I suppose.

Is there another life than what I've listed? If you want to know anything else, let me know and I will be sure to update you on happenings. Either that, or I'll still be sitting here waiting for the ASSHOLE of a cable guy to show up.

xoxoxo
Ali

"Would any of you like a food item or a beverage?" -Brandon "Fuck you." -Amy

Mon, 08 Sep 2003 16:28:10 GMT

I've had an interesting past few days. Friday night I was very pissed (for reminder, please refer to previous entry) because Katie had canceled on me for no apparent reason. However, shortly after I wrote that journal entry, I heard a knock at the door. It was Brandon, and he was standing there holding a restroom sign. Apparently there was going to be a Monty Python and the Holy Grail showing in his room that evening and I was invited. However, that still did not explain the restroom sign. I asked him about it.

"Oh, I found this at Staples and I thought I'd put it in my room." So now there's a unisex bathroom sign above his desk.

Anyway, I watched the Holy Grail upstairs, but I still had an extra reservation to an improv show at midnight. I invited Brandon to go with me, and it turned out to be a really weird experience. Not only did I get us lost, but it wasn't physical improv: it was this cartoon showing on a big screen with people making up the voices as they went along. There was Todd Bridges from Diff'rent Strokes, Captain Jewel (with visor), an 83-year-old virgin, and more. Interesting.

I got back to my dorm room to find a voicemail from Lindsey. Apparently she was at Chi Phi, the local par-tay fraternity, visiting her (apparently) mondo-popular cousin Berret. She told me to meet her there so we could hang out. I walked down to the frat house and I couldn't find her for like an hour and a half, so I stood talking to two girls and two WASTED guys. That was funny. But Lindsey was still nowhere to be found.

Finally, I just went back to my dorm room and called her for a second time that night. This time, she answered. We'd been standing maybe 100 yards away from each other the entire time I was there. I walked back over to the house and picked her up (with, of course, the inevitable slow-running-up-to-each-other-hugging-greeting-laughing sequence). She wanted to go on a campus tour (remember, it was about 3 AM at this point), so I took her on one. We found some people see-sawing in the middle of the academic quad and Lindsey took me over to talk to them. We ended up having a good hour-or-so long conversation with them, and they invited me to a party the next night (Lindsey, too, but she couldn't go).

We finished our tour and crashed at my room around 6 AM. I had to be up at 9 to meet Brent and Marshall for acting practice (stage combat). I got up, went to that, and went right back to my room and slept until 4 PM. Lindsey left in the morning (how she stayed awake during the drive, I'll never know).

On Sunday, I had to go to this Student Ambassador thing at 12 in Lupton. I got there with my red rose and they stole it from me immediately. We were talked at (at, not TO) for a few minutes and then we ate pizza. Then they went back to talking at us. We had to take a big picture of all the ambassadors (because we're SUCH an elite group, you realize, only comprised of the BEST 3/4 of the freshman class) and Brandon took a flying leap over a prickly bush. Then everyone went to the President's house for dinner, where they served all sorts of unpronounceable seafood and things with onions. Sushi and all that kind of fine dining. I talked with this guy Bisol for a while about photography (he was a sweetheart) and then we all got back into our respective ugly white vans, in trips of three, and made it back to the campus in one piece. Or, depending on how you look at it, 200 pieces- a piece for each person.

Laura was back from Cumming when I got to the dorm room on Sunday. She jumped out and scared the shit out of me just because she felt like it. She had stuff to do (homework, procrastination, you know how it goes...) so I offered to return the tape that Brandon had lent her over the weekend (Dr. Strangelove, which, by the way, rocks). I ended up staying in his room with him, Amy, and Amy's roommate, and then later with Bernard, to watch Pi and to talk about Zoobilee Zoo and Bowie Jesus. I came back to my room and talked with Rori for waaaay too long, because when I woke up this morning I felt like I had a hangover- only I didn't. Shame on you, Rori. Shame. On. You.

I've met so many people this school year I couldn't even count them all if I tried. But I love it. I've been around people I can relate to, and I'm taking INTERESTING classes. How cool is that? Someone congratulate me, here. I'm having a blast so far.

xoxoxo
Ali

"Welcome to America. We don't change our sheets here." -Me to Laura

Fri, 05 Sep 2003 19:45:47 GMT

I am SO pissed off right now. For days, I'd been planning a get-together with Katie. She cancelled on me last week because she was sick (no problem), so we said we'd get together tonight instead. Fifteen minutes ago, she calls me and says, "I can't come over tonight. But I can make it TOMORROW night!" WTF? Like I have no life? Like it revolves around HER whims? I don't think so. I have PLANS tomorrow night. And Sunday night. And tomorrow morning. And Sunday morning. AND FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.

ARGH.